The One-Disc White Album: MOJO Man’s Attempt

6:00 AM GMT 28/07/2008

Stand-in George Martin: Danny Eccleston
Day job: MOJO Consultant Editor
Alternative album title: The “Quite!” Album

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1. Helter Skelter
I’ve gone for a blindingly obvious gnarly/ugly side one, pretty/sad side two dialectic. I reckon Macca’s shredded vox and sledgehammer bass sets this up best.

2. Yer Blues
John’s brilliantly cathartic wallow in self pity. Enough to make you feel knackered after two tracks, but we soldier on!

3. Glass Onion
The public get it in the neck from John. Stitch that, Beatles fans!

4. Piggies
Everyone else gets it in the neck from George. A song so nasty it deserved to inspire Charles Manson.

5. The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill
The irony of Rishikesh is that it inspired more acidic spleen than loved-up oneness. Where’s this record’s Within You, Without You?

6. Sexy Sadie
…Another case in point. Actually, I’m beginning to feel a bit depressed now. Good job there’s an ace in the hole. Namely…

7. Everybody’s Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey
Light-relief exorcism brings side one’s unremitting nastiness to an end. Perhaps my favourite ever Beatle track, with that ridiculously exciting bell/cymbal clatter saying “WAKE UP” in mile-high letters. A song about having a wank, reckons Dave Zuton, controversially.

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8. Blackbird
Side two is a bit of a Donovan tribute, with three finger-picking folkers in a row. I realize I’ve started both sides with a McCartney. Perhaps he just does better small talk than John or George.

9. Dear Prudence
My third favourite Beatles track after …Monkey and Yes It Is. If Miles Davis’s horn is the sound of a man walking on eggshells, what is this?

10. Mother Nature’s Son
Paul’s back, showing how much better at playing the guitar he is than J and G. How he must have irritated them!

11. Julia
John hymns departed mum. Is loss more present in any other pop song?

12. I Will
Mmmm, lovely Linda!

13. Long, Long, Long
Go George! Is this TWA’s most underrated track? Damn straight! The creaky-bike-mixed-with-Mellotron bit at the end still freaks me out.

14. I’m So Tired
Mmmmm, lovely heroin!

15. Happiness Is a Warm Gun
Exquisitely weird, melancholy and haunting. A track that leaves you psychically discombobulated, which is precisely the effect I’m after. I’ve shown you mine; now you show me yours!

Posted by Danny_Eccleston at 6:00 AM GMT 28/07/2008

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If 'Yes it is' is one of your favourite Beatles songs then you are obviously a tool. Good-day.

Posted by Danny Singer at 4:09 PM GMT 11/08/2008 Report Abuse

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