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What’s The Worst Band Name, Like, Ever?
6:00 PM GMT 26/11/2008
Puddle Of Mudd? Toad The Wet Sprocket? Or one of those terrible emo groups called things like Car Parked Selfishly or Boy Raised By Chimps? Martin Aston referees MOJO’s Terrible Band Name Smackdown.
WHAT’S IN A BAND NAME? An explanation, a badge, a cri de coeur? A window, perhaps, onto an artist’s soul. Those most cherished of acts have a name indivisible from their DNA – The Velvet Underground, Led Zeppelin, The New York Dolls, The Smiths, The Clash. I only mention this because I was recently sent an EP from Surrey emo band You Me At Six – arguably as pointless a band name as it gets. It made me think of Manic Street Preacher Nicky Wire’s rant against mimsy shoegazers Slowdive – “worse than Hitler,” he opined.
Lazy art can get to you like that. Now, I know there can only be one Beatles, one Mercury Rev, one ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. But with the entire lexicon at their fingertips, You Me At Six is clearly not a band name that looks to the stars. Unlike, say, the enlightening They Came From The Stars, I Saw Them – themselves victims of Crappy Band Name hateblogs I encountered while researching this monograph.
Shoegaze was defined by its one-word band names – Blur, Lush, Ride, Spin. Repetitive, yes, but you can see the intention: to mirror the music’s gauzy textures. At the other end of the bluster spectrum, emo band names extol the art of saying nothing, importantly: Christie Front Drive, Bring Me The Horizon, Hot Water Music, Dogs Die In Hot Cars – make up your own shameful version at The Emo Band Name Generator.
At least an inexcusable name can be constructive. I know without hearing a note that I’ll never enjoy Scouting For Girls or The Pigeon Detectives. A flick through a gig guide last week turned up the following bands that I can happily avoid - Apples For Everyone, Nothing Rhymes With Orange, Bill Posters Will Be Band, My Tiger My Timing.
Chronic monikers can also be intriguing. Had I not known indie feys Grab Grab The Haddock, winners of BBC Radio 1’s Worst Band Name poll of 2003, I’d have wondered what music deserved such risible baggage. Runners-up were Spandau Ballet, which expertly nailed New Romantic pretension, while the fact Crispy Ambulance came third also shows how the crux of a great name escapes some folk. Even the gleefully combined Butthole Surfers crop up on Worst Band Name forums. What is wrong with some people?
I haven’t even begun to recount the horrors of the goth/industrial scene (hi, Anaal Nathrakh! You are named after a spell uttered by the wizard Merlin in John Boorman’s 1981 film Excalibur that means "serpent's breath"). But it’s not only rock; rap has its share of name shame. Calling yourself after a cotton bud, Q-Tip? Chali 2na, what were you thinking? MC Vagina and CunninLynguists, I know exactly what you were thinking, and it’s not clever or funny.
News just in: Nickel Eye is the solo project of The Strokes' bassist Nikolai Fraiture. From names sunk by puns to those calculated to annoy (Does It Offend You, Yeah?), offend (Cat Rapes Dog) and unintentionally induce yawns (sorry, The Milk & Honey Band), there are many reasons to get riled. I haven’t decided which category the following fit into, but I know, on a cranky day, they’re worse than Hitler: Puddle Of Mudd. Cherry Poppin’ Daddies. Baboon Torture Division. Enuff Z'Nuff. Bowling For Soup. Dysfunkshun Junkshun. Mr Mister. Toad The Wet Sprocket. Crazy Town. The Hobbits Of The Shire. Keane. Come share some healthy anger and let MOJO know your worst.
By Martin Aston
--------------------------------------------------------------
MOJO’S TOP 30 WORST BAND NAMES, THIS WEEK
1. Hed PE
2. Dumpy’s Rusty Nuts
3. Does It Offend You, Yeah?
4. Hoobastank
5. !!!
6. Jo Lean And The Jing Jang Jong
7. Dananananaykroyd
8. Cancer Bats
9. Rage Against The Machine
10. Geezers of Nazareth
11. Limp Bizkit
12. Cherry Poppin’ Daddies
13. Ken Dodd’s Dad’s Dog’s Dead
14. The Sultans Of Ping FC
15. Dashboard Confessional
16. Keane
17. Puddle Of Mudd
18. Test Icicles
19. Hootie & The Blowfish
20. These Arms Are Snakes
21. Staind
22. Lubricated Goat
23. Crunt
24. Kajagoogoo
25. Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts
26. Crazy Penis
27. The Pigeon Detectives
Scouting for Girls
28. Bowling For Soup
29. The Dandy Warhols
30. Fat Freddie’s Drop
Posted by Danny_Eccleston at 6:00 PM GMT 26/11/2008
Previous Blog
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Glastonbury: Closing Thoughts
Blur pull their fat out of the fire. Art Brut come good. Danny Eccleston waves his flag.
4:37 PM GMT 29/06/2009
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Springsteen Aces Glastonbury
Danny Eccleston was going to write about some other bands. Then he saw Bruce Springsteen.
12:45 PM GMT 28/06/2009
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The Glastonbury Effect: Blog 1
There are over 150,000 stories in the tented city, and this is just Danny Eccleston's.
11:50 AM GMT 27/06/2009
-
Denmark, Full Points!
Forget Eurovision. SPOT Festival is the best advert for Scandiwegian music, reckons Kieron Tyler.
3:52 PM GMT 02/06/2009
-
The Art Of Offence
Supermarkets have banned the Manics' record cover. Cue a brief history of sleeve censorship...
5:16 PM GMT 28/05/2009
-
HOW TO BUY...WARP RECORDS!
How best to navigate your way through the weird and wonderful world of Warp Records!
10:19 AM GMT 21/05/2009
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Comments
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Well done Danny. You have expressed what I have thinking for a long time; all the good band names have gone. Here' a few more to add to the list
Enter Shikari (rubbish name but a great band)
My Chemical Romance
Bring Me The Horizon
Less Than Jake
and most rubbish of all...
Forever The Sickest Kids
Posted by simon F at 8:51 PM GMT 26/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
At the height of the four-letter-name shoegaze band craze, a friend of mine declared he wanted to start a band with the name "DULL".
Posted by J Neo Marvin at 3:30 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absolutely THE worst band names-bar none.
Posted by Pat at 11:39 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absoultely THE worst band names ever.
And both as boring as bat shit.
Posted by Pat at 11:40 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absoultely THE worst band names ever.
And both as boring as bat shit.
Posted by Pat at 11:40 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absoultely THE worst band names ever.
And both as boring as bat shit.
Posted by Pat at 11:42 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absoultely THE worst band names ever.
And both as boring as bat shit.
Posted by Pat at 11:42 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
G. Love and Special Sauce
Tav Falco's Panther Burns
Absoultely THE worst band names ever.
And both as boring as bat shit.
Posted by Pat at 11:44 AM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Anal C***
Anal Stench
My Friend The Chocolate Cake
Dayglo Abortions
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
When People Were Shorter And Lived Near The water
Poi Dog Pondering
Where I Find My People....
Honestly, you've only scraped the barrel...
Posted by maartzzzz at 12:20 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Anal C***
Anal Stench
My Friend The Chocolate Cake
Dayglo Abortions
Scraping Foetus Off The Wheel
When People Were Shorter And Lived Near The water
Poi Dog Pondering
Where I Find My People....
Honestly, you've only scraped the barrel...
Posted by maartzzzz at 12:23 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Ugh...
Magnum Cougar
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Def Leppard
The Dears
The Black Keys
Bubble Puppy
Skinny Puppy
Sonic Youth (well, you're OLD now, so change yer name to Sonic Oldth!)
The Killers (what, are you REAL killers? Then how come you're not on death row? How did you break out of jail? You BELONG on death row, with a name like that!)
Posted by Alan Lord at 3:11 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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In Germany there is a band called "The bass player is an asshole". I guess that's the only thing they're known for.
Greetz
Markus
Posted by Markus at 5:27 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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In Germany there is a band called "The bass player is an asshole". I guess that's the only thing they're known for.
Greetz
Markus
Posted by Markus at 5:28 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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Got to be Oasis or Coldplay
Ooops sorry thought you werer looking for the worst band ever!
Posted by Barney McRubble at 5:55 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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-ABC
-I wrote haikus about cannibalism in your yearbook.
-Atreyu and equally Rufio
-Bathtub Shitter
-Color changing Clits
-Butt Trumpet
-311
-Catasexual Urge Motivation (CUM)
-Skrewdriver
- T-Rex
-Trick Daddy
-Insane Clown Posse
-Vertical Horizon
Posted by Anonymous at 6:21 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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Has no one mentioned Arctic Monkeys yet?
Terrible.
And Martin Aston! For bad names look at yourself.
Posted by J Depth at 9:07 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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How could anyone overlook Chumba Wumba?
Posted by RockNerd at 9:22 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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How about the most pretentious, the American lot called "I love you but I have chosen darkness"
Tossers
Posted by KC at 9:37 PM GMT 27/11/2008 Report Abuse
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let me guess martin your 50 have a teenage kid and hate your life get over it rage against the machine seriously you lost me there
Posted by come onmartin at 4:34 AM GMT 28/11/2008 Report Abuse
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Most of these names are great!
Now really bad names,bands that had an imagination transplant, Muse,Bush,Oasis,The Beatles,Blur,Ash,Travis,The Band,etc..
What about bad bands with good names?
Here are two to start,Hootie and the Blowfish,Tonto's Expanding Headband..
Posted by Chris at 11:49 AM GMT 28/11/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Most of these names are great!
Now really bad names,bands that had an imagination transplant, Muse,Bush,Oasis,The Beatles,Blur,Ash,Travis,The Band,etc..
What about bad bands with good names?
Here are two to start,Hootie and the Blowfish,Tonto's Expanding Headband..
Posted by Chris at 11:49 AM GMT 28/11/2008 Report Abuse
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Gorky's Zygotic Mynci. Great band, bad name.
Posted by Anon at 1:22 PM GMT 28/11/2008 Report Abuse
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Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Los Campesinos!
M.I.A.
Fall Out Boy
Death Cab for Cutie
Smashing Pumpkings
Glasvegas
Neon Neon
Busy Signal
Yeasayer
Posted by Roger Wilco at 11:23 PM GMT 03/12/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Los Campesinos!
M.I.A.
Fall Out Boy
Death Cab for Cutie
Smashing Pumpkings
Glasvegas
Neon Neon
Busy Signal
Yeasayer
Posted by Roger Wilco at 11:23 PM GMT 03/12/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
tiltwheel
sunnyside
victory mansion are some shitty names for bands
Posted by Morgan Young at 1:06 AM GMT 04/12/2008 Report Abuse
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The Yiffs
Posted by jgudrdsadfg at 2:17 AM GMT 04/12/2008 Report Abuse
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2 bad Morgan Youngs can't stays in a bands for more than fews weeks befores he gets kicked oust. lolz
Posted by www.thepunkboard.com at 2:41 AM GMT 04/12/2008 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
2 bad Morgan Youngs can't stays in a bands for more than fews weeks befores he gets kicked oust. lolz
Posted by www.thepunkboard.com at 2:43 AM GMT 04/12/2008 Report Abuse
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RE: Anon I actually love this band name. I would say it's definitely in my top 5 crazy band names.
Posted by JANA at 5:17 PM GMT 04/12/2008 Report Abuse
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When I was in a band, our alter-ego "metal name" was Vaginal Stab... that still makes me laugh, for whatever reason...
Posted by K at 10:40 PM GMT 05/12/2008 Report Abuse
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Vaginal Blood Farts
Posted by Savior at 7:13 PM GMT 15/12/2008 Report Abuse
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This Bike is a Pipe Bomb
3 Inches of Blood
Test Icicles
:wumpscut:
The The
Sissy Penis Factory
The Mr. T Experience
Panic! At the Disco
The Academy Is...
My Chemical Romance
Rudimentary Peni
Super Heavy Goat Ass
Posted by Kevin Gosztola at 12:46 AM GMT 01/01/2009 Report Abuse
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wow.. Martin Aston, you're an idiot... one of the worst things i've read on this site
Posted by JR at 1:08 AM GMT 02/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Badly Drawn Boy
Lard
Posted by GroundSquirrel at 8:12 PM GMT 06/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Although they're an amazing band, The Beatles is a terrible name. It's got to be one of the worst puns ever!
Posted by Andrew W at 5:32 AM GMT 07/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Actually Simon F....
I like the name Forever The Sickest Kids.
(:
Posted by asdfghjkl at 2:21 AM GMT 11/01/2009 Report Abuse
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more crappers:
- Retarded Elf
- DagNasty
- Slightly Stoopid
- Something Corporate
- Butthole Surfers
- Bag o' Donuts
- Sister Hazel
- Coldplay
- Ned's Atomic Dustbin
- Country Joe and the Fish
- Stone Temple Pilots
- As Yet
Posted by i at 5:44 PM GMT 14/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Breaking Benjamin
Fountains of Wayne
Nelson
3 Doors Down
Orleans
Alien Ant Farm
Nerf Herder
My Morning Jacket
The Coral
Vanilla Fudge
Korn
O Town
Super Furry Animals
Brad
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Europe
Boyz II Men
Oingo Boingo
Bon Jovi
KC and the Sunshine Band
Snow Patrol
Peaches and Herb
Posted by Smore at 7:14 PM GMT 14/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Lest we forget...
Inflatable Hearse
Savaloy Holocaust
Posted by Paul Wohl at 4:14 AM GMT 18/01/2009 Report Abuse
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- Good Charlotte
- Saliva
- Yellowcard
- Congratulations on Your Decision to Become a Pilot
- Steely Dan
- The Soundtrack of Our Lives
- Stutterfly
- Over It
- I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch in the House
- 50 Cent
- Story of the Year
- Hit the Lights
- Ja Rule
- Five for Fighting
- Blind Melon
- Thomas Jefferson Slave Apartments
- Modest Mouse
- Kula Shaker
- Jimmy Eat World
- Eminem
- The Pussycat Dolls
- Mother Mallard's Portable Masterpiece Co.
- Black Oak Arkansas
- Brand New
- The Early November
- Name Taken
- Scenes from a Movie
- The Plot to Blow Up the Eiffel Tower
- Unwritten Law
- Usher
- Snoop(Doggy)Dogg
- Further Seems Forever
- Our Lady Peace
- Toto
- This is a Process of a Still Life
- Asleep at the Wheel
- Grand Funk Railroad
- The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
...and many, many more!
Posted by Ohh Danneh Boy at 2:06 AM GMT 21/01/2009 Report Abuse
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heres an odd band name for ya....
The tony danza tapdance extraveganza
Posted by Mark at 6:50 PM GMT 25/01/2009 Report Abuse
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RE: RockNerd
I just died laughing at CHUMBA WAMBA!
Posted by Anonymous at 7:39 AM GMT 30/01/2009 Report Abuse
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-Fall Out Boy
-Freakpower
-Good Charlotte
-OTEP
-Buzzcocks (sorry... it's just the name)
-Camera Obscura
-The Killers
-How bout The Mama's And The Papa's?
-MXPX
-Pussy Galore?
Posted by Anonymous at 7:49 AM GMT 30/01/2009 Report Abuse
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Awesome list, Danny. Do the following names qualify for this entry?:
Cute Is What We Aim For
Death Cab For Cutie
Slightly Stoopid
Johnny Hates Jazz
My Chemical Romance
The Style Council
U2
Panic At The Disco
White Lion
Whitesnake
Great White
TV On The Radio
Godspeed You Black Emperor!
Seven Mary Three
Stone Temple Pilots
Asia
Boston
Kansas
Europe
Alabama
Chicago
Texas
Idaho
Miami Sound Machine
Utah Saints
L.A. Guns
Hootie And The Blowfish
Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Jimmy Eat World
Coldplay
The Killers, etc.
This could go on and on...
Posted by Matt Edwards at 2:47 PM GMT 02/02/2009 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
Awesome list, Danny. Do the following names qualify for this entry?:
Cute Is What We Aim For
Death Cab For Cutie
Slightly Stoopid
Johnny Hates Jazz
My Chemical Romance
The Style Council
U2
Panic At The Disco
White Lion
Whitesnake
Great White
TV On The Radio
Godspeed You Black Emperor!
Seven Mary Three
Stone Temple Pilots
Asia
Boston
Kansas
Europe
Alabama
Chicago
Texas
Idaho
Miami Sound Machine
Utah Saints
L.A. Guns
Hootie And The Blowfish
Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam
Jimmy Eat World
Coldplay
The Killers, etc.
This could go on and on...
Posted by Matt Edwards at 2:49 PM GMT 02/02/2009 Report Abuse
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My Morning Jacket.
Bloody good band, though it took a 5-Star Mojo review to convince me to get over that awful name and check them out.
Then again, I used to be in a band called Tomato Hi-Fi....
Posted by Psodal at 3:07 PM GMT 03/02/2009 Report Abuse
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Here's more nominees, although to be honest most of the really awful names have already been mentioned at least once:
Average White Band
The Bassholes
The Digable Planets
Dirt Clod Fight
Gorilla Biscuits
Green Jelly
Kate Mosh
Japancakes
Korn
LAPD (aka Love And Peace, Dude)
Metallica
My Dad is Dead
Sunny Day Real Estate
Takana-Nixon Meeting
Thinking Fellers Union Local 242
Uncle Slam
Posted by Laughner at 10:25 PM GMT 03/02/2009 Report Abuse
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How about:
Testicle Blitzkreig
Kinky Dipstick
Wankel & The Chastisements
Throatfister
Eggypeggy
Armalite Vestibule
Donghammer
Drippy Bitch-Wiper
and Spunkytruss.
All names so heinous, so irksome, that no group by that moniker has ever existed outside my own head parts.
Posted by markiechops at 1:54 AM GMT 12/02/2009 Report Abuse
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I would have to say
10ft Ganga Plant
yeah, i know
Posted by Shadeau at 10:02 PM GMT 12/02/2009 Report Abuse
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How about red hot chilli peppers
If you think of it, its a bit of a rubbish name,
any band that name checks a veg. must be scrapping the name barrell
either that or reel big fish
as there cant even spell it correctly and thats just lazy
Posted by alex at 10:19 PM GMT 16/02/2009 Report Abuse
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Leather My Arse
Anal Vomit
The Limits
Ike Turners Fists of Fury
Radiator
Tinfoil Death Piglet
Posted by singlefish at 2:09 PM GMT 18/02/2009 Report Abuse
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RE: singlefish
A quick flick through this week's Time Out gig guide reveals the following bunch of no-hopers ( I hope I don't regret that):
Flamboyant Bella
Clip Stamp Fold
Lost Robots
Mothbox
The See See
The Spurts
Monkeyrush
Onions
Asteroids Broke My Stereo
Black Carrot
Bear Hands
Hot Melt
Six Toes
and worst of all....
...Lily Wood and The Prick
Posted by Salmon Kushty at 4:41 PM GMT 20/02/2009 Report Abuse
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RE: singlefish
A quick flick through this week's Time Out gig guide reveals the following bunch of no-hopers ( I hope I don't regret that):
Flamboyant Bella
Clip Stamp Fold
Lost Robots
Mothbox
The See See
The Spurts
Monkeyrush
Onions
Asteroids Broke My Stereo
Black Carrot
Bear Hands
Hot Melt
Six Toes
and worst of all....
...Lily Wood and The Prick
Posted by Salmon Kushty at 4:41 PM GMT 20/02/2009 Report Abuse
Reply to this post
RE: singlefish
A quick flick through this week's Time Out gig guide reveals the following bunch of no-hopers ( I hope I don't regret that):
Flamboyant Bella
Clip Stamp Fold
Lost Robots
Mothbox
The See See
The Spurts
Monkeyrush
Onions
Asteroids Broke My Stereo
Black Carrot
Bear Hands
Hot Melt
Six Toes
and worst of all....
...Lily Wood and The Prick
Posted by Salmon Kushty at 4:43 PM GMT 20/02/2009 Report Abuse
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Am I the only one who realises Toad the Wet Sprocket was derived from a Monty Python sketch about stupid band names? See the Contractual Obligation LP (John Denver version).
As for great band names for bands that just had to be crap, I think Panzy Division and John Cougar Concerntration Camp take the fish... Again with the bad Nazi puns!?
Posted by FILL at 11:00 AM GMT 31/03/2009 Report Abuse
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Hey, great site here :) I am looking for fans of our favorite celebs. If you have any porn videos with someone, i will appreciate your help :) In exchange I can upload some top hottest stuff from my pc here. Regards! Waiting for links with good stuff, and free of course :)
Posted by Mariella at 8:19 AM GMT 03/04/2009 Report Abuse
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bad boys blue?
Posted by Anonymous at 5:16 PM GMT 18/04/2009 Report Abuse
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bad boys blue?
Posted by Kanat at 5:16 PM GMT 18/04/2009 Report Abuse
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bad boys blue?
Posted by Kanat at 5:17 PM GMT 18/04/2009 Report Abuse
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