Spinal Tap II: The End Continues opens in UK and US cinemas this week. Following our conversation with frontman David St. Hubbins (which you can read HERE!), MOJO’s Tap Fever ratchets up another notch as we are granted an audience with bassist Derek Smalls – provider of the group’s storied Big Bottom end.
To nitpickers who grumble that Spinal Tap are not a real band and Smalls is in fact actor Harry Shearer – the voice of The Simpsons’ nefarious Mr Burns, no less – we say boo. Welcoming the heavy metal herberts back to the screen, we enjoy his views on Marty DiBergi – the on-screen director of Spinal Tap’s cinema debut (immortalised as 1984’s This Is Spinal Tap) and now its sequel; the spiritual dimension to Tap’s song Sex Farm; a close encounter with Stonehenge; and the reason he and his colleagues won’t be writing memoirs. So without further ado, let’s boogie!
MOJO: Given your history with Marty DiBergi, I’m surprised you agreed to another documentary.
Smalls: Well, I guess 40 years of unemployment had done him some good.
Tap have been dissolved since the 2009 Wembley and Glastonbury shows. First of all, I’d love to hear your memories of Glastonbury.
Well, it was a bit of a blur. You know, we were only on for 45 minutes. We were playing to, they told us, 130,000 people. It looked like a painting! You know, the 2000 people in front, they seemed real. But the rest of it could have been a painting. And it was kind of a thrill, obviously, to be at Glasto. But one of the most memorable things about that day was on the drive back to London, somebody pointed out the window and said, “Look, there’s Stonehenge.” And one of us said, “No, that’s not Stonehenge. Look how close it is to the road.” It’s like it could be a petrol station with just a big, you know, Stonehenge sign on top. But anyway, it was late in the afternoon, and we drove in, and the man said, “Well, there’s only about 15 minutes left and then we close up.” Our keyboard player, CJ, who’s got balls of steel, said, “Do you know who these guys are? They put this place on the map!” And I think he thought they were already on the map. So there was a bit of a tussle about that, but they let us in.
What did you miss most about Spinal Tap?
I guess I missed the noise. I think it’s safe to say at this point especially, there’s no louder band in the world. And I missed the lads. Love them, hate them, there they are. And I missed the crowds. I mean, you get into this business for a couple of reasons. One of them is the crowds. Another is the females in the crowds. That would be the two best reasons to be doing this.
What didn’t you miss?
The fights. I guess it’s inescapable and unavoidable. As I said in the first film, David [St. Hubbins, guitar and vocals] and Nigel [Tufnel, lead guitar], they’re fire and ice. I’m over here, lukewarm water, just trying to stay afloat, although water can’t float. But it’s a struggle, because they’re independent universes. Not particularly enormous universes, you know, compared to the real universe. But still…
We were wondering if your legendary diplomatic skills had ever been called upon in a broader context
You mean by Donald? You mean by Donald bloody Trump?
Well, I just mean by leaders generally looking to pour lukewarm water on some of the world’s trouble spots.
Well, my phone number is listed. When I’m in London, I’m pretty visible. Nobody’s called me yet, though. Not that I’d like to hang out in the United Nations or any such place. It seems pretty boring to me, especially the lack of attractive young females. You don’t see many of them around the United Nations, do you? Every time I see a picture of it, it’s old men. Not that there’s anything wrong with old men. I’m one myself, but I don’t need to see more of us.
What you think Spinal Tap have to offer, that ordinary rock’n’roll bands just don’t have?
Well, I go back to volume. I think we paved the road for excessive volume, and we continue in that endeavour to this day. I mean, the technology has gotten so good that being, you know, fearsomely loud is just child’s play.
If fearsomely loud is not cutting it, what level of loud are we talking?
Monstrously loud. That’s not child’s play… unless you have a child monster. They have to start as children, don’t they? You don’t see many movies about monster babies, but they’re there.
In the new film, Paul McCartney drops in on one of your rehearsals. What was it like for him to be in the presence of such legends?
Well, you know, he was rehearsing in a neighbouring studio and just poked his head in, as you do. And I don’t know if he was expecting to find Rock Gods. You know, he’s probably trying to get cup of coffee off the engineer, but he was very gracious about it. He’s, you know, he is King Of The World in his own mind. And he plays the part well. If you’ve got to have a king of the world, I’d pick him.
They won’t let you in Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Do they give you any reason?
You know, my experience of life is that when people say no, they don’t usually give you a reason. And if they do, it’s probably not the real reason anyway, and even if it is, I’m not listening.
Have we seen the last Spinal Tap gig? Or do you think that this could be the start of more?
Well, if I could predict the future, I’d be at the track. I don’t know. I mean, it was a bit of a struggle. But, you know, it’s always a struggle so that that’s nothing new. I don’t know whether David and Nigel really want to be doing this anymore. I do. I love it. But maybe it’s because playing the bass is so fucking simple.
Now Spinal Tap are back in the public eye, what do you hope for from the increased exposure?
I don’t have a great list of expectations. I think it boils down to two words: free stuff.
Why have none of you written memoirs? There must have been plenty of offers.
Well, A, no there haven’t, and B, I can’t speak for the other lads, but I’m not the writing kind. I mean to sit down and hammer out at the computer, you know? And there’s another thing. If you live the kind of life that we do, a lot of memories go away, and I’d have to go read a lot of papers to realise what we did way back when.
And I’m sure a lot of it’s unprintable.
I should hope so. Otherwise, what’s the point? I put it this way: a printable life is not worth living.
Some of your contemporaries have recently decided they’re thoroughly retired. But some, like the Stones, soldier on. It seems to me that there’s no real reason or requirement for rock bands to retire at all these days.
Well, there isn’t really, if you look at the history. Rock’n’roll came from two different strands of music – country music and blues, and those people played till they dropped. So what’s the problem? Somebody decided this was young people’s music, and then it became old people’s music, and then it’ll be dead people's music.
Do you have anything further to declare about Spinal Tap, something that we’ve not really covered here, maybe something unsung or undervalued?
If you pay a bit more attention to the lyrics, you’ll find we’re a very spiritual band. We open the door to a larger universe than we think we live in every day. I think that’s been our gift. Whether it’s Sex Farm, Big Bottom, or Tonight I’m Gonna To Rock You Tonight, we’re opening this cosmic door and saying, come in. Let’s play.
Spinal Tap II: The End Continues is in cinemas now.